It is going to be 3 years since Christi and me have been married. Wow! I really do not know where that time went by. It truly does feel like its only been a year since we were married. But then i guess that is what a great marriage is like - you never know where time went by because you thoroughly enjoy your time with your soul mate.
These thoughts running through the back of my head, i was driving to office today while a discussion ensued amongst my colleagues in the car. Everybody was telling 1 of the guys to consider getting married soon, especially as he was already 27. He on the other hand was defending himself saying he wanted time to pray and consider; also that he didn't understand why marriage was given such an onus in India. The others naturally were trying to talk him into it saying that it settles you down as a person. That got me wondering... am i truly settled?
My life as a bachelor needless to say was different. I used to be this hyper-active guy with a nervous energy, running all around the place, eat a ton and never have anything to show for it, mostly impractical in my goals and objectives. But before marriage got its opportunity to change me (for the better), my health ensured it toned me down. A lot of who i am today and how i respond to everybody and everything is because of my health; and how it changed me to depend on Him more.
That being said, marriage did change me in its own way. It has made me more practical in my approach, more pragmatic in my plans and goals, lesser impulsive and made me understand that life is lived everyday and every little thing matters. However in my mind, i am still very unsettled.
I still have those reckless urges to do things without thinking them through. I still have those moments where i get so restless that i don't know how to spend my energies. I still need to give in to that wild side and make some impulsive decisions and act on them in order to keep my sanity going. I have to do things differently, sometimes just for the sake of doing it differently. I also have to rebel occasionally in order to feel alive; despite the fact that i am rebelling against the rules i have laid down for myself ;) Last but not least, i inevitably go through these times every once in a while where i stop and question myself with the fundamental question - what exactly am i doing with my life? Interestingly enough though, thinking about my lovely wife and l'il son automatically makes all of the above fade away :) That is about as far as marriage has managed to settle me down.
You can choose to call all of the above my idiosyncrasies, but I am trying hard to discipline myself and get my mind in order. Haven't been too successfully so far. I would love to be more settled down. I would love to have a schedule to work with each day and stick to it. Alas! I am way too undisciplined for that.
Lord help me to be disciplined and settle down!
Married and unsettled!
1 comments:
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