Waiting in Anticipation...

How beautiful the earth is still,
To thee - how full of happiness!
How little fraught with real ill,
Or unreal phantoms of distress!
How spring can bring thee glory, yet,
And summer win thee to forget
December's sullen time!
Why dost thou hold the treasure fast,
Of youth's delight, when youth is past,
And thou art near thy prime?

When those who were thy own compeers,
Equals in fortune and in years,
Have seen their morning melt in tears,
To clouded, smileless day;
Blest, had they died untried and young,
Before their hearts went wandering wrong,
Poor slaves, subdued by passions strong,
A weak and helpless prey!

" Because, I hoped while they enjoyed,
And, by fulfillment, hope destroyed;
As children hope, with trustful breast,
I waited bliss - and cherished rest.
A thoughtful spirit taught me, soon,
That we must long till life be done;
That every phase of earthly joy
Must always fade, and always cloy:

This I foresaw - and would not chase
The fleeting treacheries;
But, with firm foot and tranquil face,
Held backward from that tempting race,
Gazed o'er the sands the waves efface,
To the enduring seas - ;
There cast my anchor of desire
Deep in unknown eternity;
Nor ever let my spirit tire,
With looking for what is to be!

It is hope's spell that glorifies,
Like youth, to my maturer eyes,
All Nature's million mysteries,
The fearful and the fair -
Hope soothes me in the griefs I know;
She lulls my pain for others' woe,
And makes me strong to undergo
What I am born to bear.

Glad comforter! will I not brave,
Unawed, the darkness of the grave?
Nay, smile to hear Death's billows rave -
Sustained, my guide, by thee?
The more unjust seems present fate,
The more my spirit swells elate,
Strong, in thy strength, to anticipate
Rewarding destiny !" 

-- Emily Jane Brontë

As i wait in anticipation for things to happen (so as to help the family and me lead a better life and save more), nothing depicts the state of my mind more than this poem. The key element being i know deep within only He can help us and keep us. Blessed be His name!

Don't Quit!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Dont give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than far,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victors cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Body BREAKDOWN!

After over 6 months now, my body completely broke down yesterday. I've been as weak as i was post my surgery in 2006. No energy to sit up (forget standing up and walking around), even chewing food makes me feel tired (not kidding here). And therefore as i've spent the last 2 days in bed, it became abundantly clear (all over again) what a blessing health is; which we tend to take so much for granted.

When i first got to know about my heart condition, i was crest-fallen and depressed. From there i went onto "living for the day and enjoying every moment, 'coz my life might be short". In all this i was running away from the fact that i have an existing health condition. But it had to all come to a stand still when in 2006 i nearly slipped into a coma as my heart started pumping 300 times a minute! As a result when i had to undergo 2 surgeries in order to correct the issue and minimize the impact on my life; i knew my life wudn't b d same again.

Since then, i've had many people pray over me and have myself prayed and hoped many a time that i would be completely healed of the issue. But it just isn't God's will; instead He kept bringing back to me that His grace is all i need. And truly it is all we need! Over time i've come to regard this issue as the thorn in my flesh in which i don't feel low anymore. I'm learning to use this time to spend more time with Him and thank Him for this thorough rest He gives my body every once in a while.