What i'm holding onto dearly...

I thought that I was all alone,
broken and afraid,
but you were there with me,
you were there with me.
And I didn't even know
I had lost my way,
but you were there with me,
yes, you were there with me.
Tell you opened up my eyes I never knew,
that I couldn't ever make it without you.

As I travel on the road,
you have led me down,
you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
And I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
that you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
I confess from time to time I lose my way,
but you were always there to bring me back again.

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from,
And the things I've left behind.
Well, of all I've had,
what I posess,
they can't quite compare,
with what's in front of me.

Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
well, the one who's gone before me,
he will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain of God.


(Lyrics from Third Day - Mountain of God)

Getting back to the front!

Enjoyed a nice 10 day holiday. Did nothing except laze around, play around, eat around (a whole lot) and spent loads of time with the family.

But the worst part of getting back from a holiday is that you have to start work! LOL :-D Still reeling from the effects of the holiday, i've been struggling to get back to work since morning - and yeah, there is a load of work to be done!

But the highlight of the entire holiday was the time spent in fellowship with Him who matters most. It was sprung upon me latter part of the week that i had to preach on Sunday (18/05/2010) at the Naga Christian Fellowship, Hyderabad. As i sat to get together His message, i was overcome with a sense of who i was! His words poured and my thoughts were filled word by word what He wanted me to say; I was not prepared for what He wanted to do. The message that He wanted me to deliver was too big for who i am or will ever be.

In tears, i prayed asking for grace and strength to just be the delivery boy and He gave me that and more. Yesterday when i stood up to deliver His message, He just took over and what a message it was - a message that facilitated change in attitude! Not coz i was standing there but because He took charge of my heart, mind and mouth and used me to speak to His people that which concerns His heart. Praise God for He can use even a donkey like me!

As i stood back once He was done, i was left in tears for i knew what He had done through me was not something i was capable of doing myself. I just pray that i would always be found in this position and that i will never be so big that i am not of any practical use to Him!

Link to the Sermon Powerpoint

We are His children...

I spent much of my time the last 2 days just looking at my son and all the antics he played through the day. This is a blessing for me as i usually don't get too much time (not as much as i want atleast) to play with him during a regular working week; i usually leave in the morning when he is still asleep and get back in the evening when he is sleepy. As i spent time with him over the last 2 days, playing with him, reading to him, talking to him, something struck me when my dear son got cranky...

My dear son was cranky because he was hungry, tired, sleepy or sometimes plain bored... but no matter how seemingly huge his uproar and refusal to be pacified by me, all it took to divert his attention was a small red pillow! Yup, that's right; one soft small red pillow. All i had to do was give it to him and no matter how cranky he was he immediately gave up his crying (having forgotten all his hunger /tiredness / sleepiness / boredom) and got lost with playing with the pillow (of course right now all he wants to do is put it in his mouth). Note that his hunger didn't disappear into thin air during that time, it just was forgotten for the moment...

But this got me thinking... Don't we act the same way many a times ourselves? We might try to mask it all we want, but the truth is a lot of times in our lives we are throwing a tantrum with the Gud Ole' Man or refusing to be what He wants us to be or do what He wants us to do - all under the pretext that we are not getting what we want in our lives (just like my son). And all He has to do is bring up an (another) issue in our lives or give us a small breather and we will have forgotten all about we throwing a tantrum in the 1st place for a while. Think about it - when was the last time you were downright out / stressed out and feeling low about something happening in your life (which you felt shouldn't be happening) and all it took was something else to come up (sometimes even just a friend calling us out to a movie) and you forgot all about it for that time?

Lets note again its not like the situation was dealt with by itself; but just that our minds allowed us to forget all about what was happening for some time. In short, all we needed was a diversion mentally in order to stop throwing a tantrum, start feeling better and get on with life; tackling challenges as they come.

What are you going to do the next time you feel low / stressed out / lost? The answer might just lie in stopping to worry about the issue at hand and giving ourselves a breather... Then refocusing our attention on the Gud Ole' Man and asking for His guidance with the situation.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." - Mt. 11: 28 - 30 (The Message)

 He did not say this for no reason! All we have to do is stop worrying, stop getting anxious and go to Him who gives us grace. And He will give us something else to play with (just like i gave my son the pillow) and take care of our issues while we are still distracted (just like my wife and i got lunch ready while our son was engrossed with the pillow)...

Don't get me wrong... I'm not suggesting that He will take away completely my worries / anxieties / troubles when i go to Him; though that's what He might choose to do at times. For even if he chooses to let us remain in those situations for then, know that He will give us what we need to tackle the situation; just like i put the pillow into my son's hands when he was bored. In short, we are never short of His grace in our lives; whether it be for Him to work a miracle that will change the situation we are in (and don't want to be in) or whether it be for Him to give us what we need to sustain the situation!

Its no wonder He refers to us as His children... Think about it...

Summer Vacation

A long awaited vacation is underway starting off today. We might not be able to go out for a holiday, but just want to make sure that we spend time together as a family in and around Hyderabad (probably with outings to the outskirts). But more than anything else, i want to spend this time with leisurely hours of prayer and getting back to where He wants me to be - deep in His presence.

One very pertinent question on my mind even as i prepare myself for the 10 day holiday (yes, that means i don't work at all) is why our ride with Him becomes such a roller coaster over a period of time. Is it not possible for us to maintain that straight upward walk with Him? Because as we all look back, i'm sure that we all can recognize how we have had ups and downs in our walk with Him. If this is the way it is meant to be, then why would the Gud Ole' Man tell us to seek Him first? Is our ups and downs a result of the red guy swaying us away from the object of our faith?

With these questions on my mind, i prepare to start off my (summer) vacation.

Will you still praise Me???

I spent the entire weekend in office shifting our Server and Networking Infrastructure to another room. During the course of this time (weekend), things were nothing short of crazy and i was just short of despair as nothing fell into place.

You touch one thing and the other would stop working; you do everything right, still things do not work. It was Sunday evening and i had to ensure that everything was working so that operations would not be affected from Monday; not to mention the fact that 2 high profile meetings were scheduled starting Monday. After 2 days of this madness, i was in tears (due to the pressure) and in desperation cried out to the Gud Lord. Then happened the 1st miracle - what seemed un-fixable over the course of 2 days, all fell into place in 45 minutes. The best part of it was, we did nothing new; merely tried what we had already done atleast 10 times earlier... Wow! Couldn't stop thanking God for He reigned supreme over situations and circumstances that we were able to do nothing about.

2 hours after that, tired, weary and exhausted (but VERY RELIEVED & THANKFUL) my team and me left for home. Woke up early today morning as had to come back to office to ensure everything was working fine for the meetings. As i was getting ready, kept praying that He would make sure that everything worked like clockwork today. And in His still small voice, i heard the Holy Spirit whispering to me a very pertinent question that stumped me... "If nothing worked the way it should and the whole network crashes today morning, will you still praise me???" The first thought that came to my mind is that if such a thing happened today, it would be my job at stake as the management would surely be breathing blood... But i replied with truth in my heart... "Lord, come what may i will not cease praising You!" Promptly i was reminded of Peter and how he denied Jesus before the cock crowed. I just said a short prayer for grace to not be like that... With that i started getting ready and promptly forgot all about this l'il conversation i had.

Reached office and almost sat back on my seat to relax because everything was working fine! But peace was not mine to be (atleast not for then) - all of a sudden and without warning, the entire network collapsed. Nothing was working. I rushed to the server room and started tweaking wires here and there. Tried plugging, unplugging, re-plugging, redoing - nothing worked. The network just refused to respond. I was back to my state of despair from the previous evening. I had 15 minutes before the meetings commenced and the network needed to get working before that. I was mad, furious and agitated. There was no reason for everything to stop working suddenly. We seemed to be back to square one. Exhausted and almost driven to tears, i sat down and switched off all networking equipment (sometimes a simple restarting of them helps).

As i sat down there, i again felt that familiar soft whisper of the Holy Spirit - "Will you still praise me?" My immediate response was "Lord, I just don't feel like it right now. And on top of that i have to get this thing working and NOW!!!" The immediate reply was simple - I was reminded (again) of Peter.

I stopped dead in the tracks of the racing thoughts in my mind and told my team to join me in a prayer. I prayed for grace for myself to trust Him. I prayed for the situation and I thanked God and praised Him for He was in control. I committed everything into His hands and asked that it would work well so that the meetings would commence and go on well so that the people attending would go back to their places of influence and made that difference for God's glory. I prayed for wisdom to deal with the issue at hand. And i THANKED HIM FOR HE IS IN CHARGE! As we were praying there was a sense of calm that took over and the 2nd miracle took place!

We finished praying, switched back the network equipment and for some strange reason, i started doing something that didn't make any logical sense. I don't know why i did it (it is not standard networking procedure or troubleshooting technique) and i can't remember what thoughts were in my mind as i did it; but as i look back i know i (my logical mind) was not the one calling the shots then. I hooked up things in a very different manner - in a manner that doesn't make any sense from a networking perspective. But guess what - immediately the entire network was back up and working. And yes, one minute later the meetings commenced as scheduled :-) A pastor once told me - "Our God specializes in granting us miracles between the neck and the knife" (with reference to Abraham & Isaac)

After confirming that things were working fine, my team and me took a step back and relooked and relooked and relooked at the new configuration i had setup. It made no logical sense whatsoever! We could think of no explanation of how this could possibly work!! And yet everything was working like clockwork!!! It is now 8 hrs later and there have been no issues since then :-) I still can't understand what made me put together this radical new configuration which makes no networking sense. I also still can't give any logical explanation as to why it is working!

But i do know one thing - i was prompted in the morning with one question - "If nothing worked the way it should and the whole network crashes today morning, will you still praise me???" Just like Peter, my response was i will Lord! But when the time came and He put me to the test, i was not just unwilling to praise Him, i was almost refusing to. Yet when i pushed myself and praised Him, wholeheartedly putting my trust in Him and praising Him for the fact that He was in charge of the situation; things changed for the better.

Our praise can work wonders too!!! The same God who shook the ground and broke open the doors of the prison Paul was in; as he CHOSE to praise God while in shackles is alive and wanting to give us our miracle when we most need it. Is it our not praising (and this is due to not trusting) Him in these situations the reason for the delay, postponing or (in some cases) the reason why we never receive our miracle?

The incidents of today morning made me realize one thing - we need His grace even to trust Him and praise Him. When all else fails and nothing seems to work out, when situation seems grave and nothing you do seems to have any effect; when you are full of anger and agitated about the way things are going, when you have no strength left and the last thing on your mind is praising God - Will you still praise Him???