Married and unsettled!

It is going to be 3 years since Christi and me have been married. Wow! I really do not know where that time went by. It truly does feel like its only been a year since we were married. But then i guess that is what a great marriage is like - you never know where time went by because you thoroughly enjoy your time with your soul mate.

These thoughts running through the back of my head, i was driving to office today while a discussion ensued amongst my colleagues in the car. Everybody was telling 1 of the guys to consider getting married soon, especially as he was already 27. He on the other hand was defending himself saying he wanted time to pray and consider; also that he didn't understand why marriage was given such an onus in India. The others naturally were trying to talk him into it saying that it settles you down as a person. That got me wondering... am i truly settled?

My life as a bachelor needless to say was different. I used to be this hyper-active guy with a nervous energy,  running all around the place, eat a ton and never have anything to show for it, mostly impractical in my goals and objectives. But before marriage got its opportunity to change me (for the better), my health ensured it toned me down. A lot of who i am today and how i respond to everybody and everything is because of my health; and how it changed me to depend on Him more.

That being said, marriage did change me in its own way. It has made me more practical in my approach, more pragmatic in my plans and goals, lesser impulsive and made me understand that life is lived everyday and every little thing matters. However in my mind, i am still very unsettled.

I still have those reckless urges to do things without thinking them through. I still have those moments where i get so restless that i don't know how to spend my energies. I still need to give in to that wild side and make some impulsive decisions and act on them in order to keep my sanity going. I have to do things differently, sometimes just for the sake of doing it differently. I also have to rebel occasionally in order to feel alive; despite the fact that i am rebelling against the rules i have laid down for myself ;) Last but not least, i inevitably go through these times every once in a while where i stop and question myself with the fundamental question - what exactly am i doing with my life? Interestingly enough though, thinking about my lovely wife and l'il son automatically makes all of the above fade away :) That is about as far as marriage has managed to settle me down.

You can choose to call all of the above my idiosyncrasies, but I am trying hard to discipline myself and get my mind in order. Haven't been too successfully so far. I would love to be more settled down. I would love to have a schedule to work with each day and stick to it. Alas! I am way too undisciplined for that.

Lord help me to be disciplined and settle down!

What's with the fruit?

We had an interesting year. The seasons didn't come and go as scheduled (global warming perhaps?). Everybody complained about the elongated summer, the way too brief rain and the all too soon winter. And of course as the seasons setting in and out changed, so did the scheduled fruit for that season.

We waited for good watermelons until April, mangoes until June, good custard apples until October and we are still waiting for the good oranges to come in! Made me wonder about the fruit that we bear in our own lives - do we also delay the fruit we ought to be bearing in season and time? When i look back at my own life, the answer is yes.

The focus of our church for the past months has been the fruit of the Spirit. The Bible mentions the word fruit directly 240 times in different contexts. Where Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit in Gal 5, it is understood that us producing these fruit in our lives, is the work of the Spirit and is only possible when we keep submitting more and more areas; problem areas especially for God to work in and transform. The whole concept of us decreasing and Him increasing. Therefore we then have the ability to not allow these fruit of the Spirit to manifest in our lives; primarily by allowing sin to continue to work in our lives by giving in to our weaknesses.

We need to keep in mind that we are dealing with a vicious predator (1 Pet 5:8). More important though is the fact that the red guy seems to have mastered the art of ensuring that we walk the path he wants us to; even if we are not prepared to sin directly.

The enemy and his minions know that a lot of us will not be prepared to accept to sin directly. So he uses subversion tactics; this is the most dangerous part of their plan. For those of us who have seen the movie Inception, he puts thoughts into your mind (eg: the prompting to look just once more at that pretty gal / handsome guy walking down the road and soak in that image), builds whole world's to keep you engaged (eg: keeps you engaged with thoughts of how poor you are, how you deserve better, how the world is being unfair to you, how could this person say that about you, etc.); while all the time he is making you tow his line and walk exactly the path he wants you to - the end result of it all is the same sin he would have you commit, had you given in to the 1st temptation directly! Their strategy is to plant the seeds and wait patiently to see them grow until your mind tricks you into accepting it, filling in the gaps with your sub-conscious weaknesses; by which time the seed grows into a tree which is waiting to bear fruit - the fruit of satan. We need to be wary to not fall into this trap!

The more we bear the fruit of satan (rotten fruit, not fit for anything); the more we delay bearing the fruit of the Spirit, thus delaying the fruit that should have been available at that season and time. But to what effect is this? It works directly toward the contraction of the Lord's Kingdom.

The fruit of the Spirit like any fruit are meant for the tree to become everything it was meant to be and do and for everybody else around the tree to enjoy of the fruit; which are borne in due season and time. Bearing the fruit of the Spirit of God is what enables us to live out our life to the fullest in Christ Jesus and these same fruit are what draw others to Him. So when we do not bear fruit in season, more people are robbed of Christ. That thought gives me the chills - that you and i are responsible for people missing out on Christ and the life in abundance that He has promised us; all because we chose not to bear the fruit of the Spirit. Why is the world still suffering? Because of us choosing to live our lives; yelling out 'It's my life'...

By how do we beings who even lack the strength and will to live our lives God's way, ever become the fruit bearing trees for our God? Most people never reach their full potential in life simply because they overlook the potential of the ordinary. If you simply start where you ARE, instead of waiting to start until you get to where you hope to be - you will become all He wanted you to be! Little by little. Step by step. Day by day.

May the Lord help us so that we might never cause Him to be asked the question - "What's with the fruit?"; because of the way we choose to live our lives.