Over the last 2 months, the Gud Ole' Man has been taking me through a journey of introspection - one that has not been the most comfortable, in that it is difficult the kind of truth's that surface and the kind of response's that should be aptly given. Also it is not the easiest thing in the world to be defaced before yourself each day, every moment. But during this process, He's also been inspiring me to write on the process in length.
So as i introspect more about myself each day, i'll continue to write about the process and post it on my blog. Here goes:
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DISCOVERING NEMO
Who are you? I mean, behind the masks you wear, behind everything you stand for in front of the world – who are you? At face value you might choose to say, “What you see is what you get,” but is that the truth? Or are there ugly motives which make you shy away into the dark at times? Are there thoughts which you are not proud of? Are you the person the world sees? Better still, are you living in denial of who you are by masking yourself from the truth that you are?
A journey of self-discovery and introspection is never easy; more so when you are in a position of authority / leadership and people look up to you. But unless you take this painful journey, in order to root out all that you wish didn’t exist in you and incorporate all that you want there; large chances are some day you will be exposed either by you slipping up or somebody catching up and the scene then is not going to be pleasant.
It was during a trying time such as this that Oscar Wilde wrote in his letter De Profundis –
“I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry aloud on the housetop. I ceased to be lord over myself. I was no longer the captain of my soul, and did not know it. I allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace. There is only one thing for me now, absolute humility.”[1]
It is better for us to discover who we truly are and fix it while we still have the time. It is going to be a painful journey; but one worth the while. Painful because it ekes out at the foundations of your image of yourself, stripping you down of all your masks till you see yourself for who you are and not; and I can tell you the image more likely than not is going to be ugly. It becomes worse still because you are most vulnerable without all of those masks and armour which most of us would have put into place to protect ourselves from being hurt. The worst part of it all however is if you choose to put back on everything that has been realised and stripped away, because you feel naked; you are back to square one – living in denial of who you are. However, it is worth the while because when you see yourself as you are and not & choose to deal with things in your life that shouldn’t be there and also foster things that should be there, which are only being faked right now; you are truly then becoming the person you can be, want to be.
That my friends is victory over yourself; a purpose worth disciplining yourself for, the painful journey of discovery worth undertaking, for a life that would only then be truly well lived. Discovering Nemo is about finding yourself.
[1] Oscar Wilde, De Profundis and Other Writings (England: Clays Ltd, St Ives Plc., 1954; reprint, England: Clays Ltd, St Ives Plc., 1986), 152.
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