Who am i?

He seems to be taking me on a journey of self introspection; one which the more i travel into, the more i realize the ugly truth of who i am deep inside. It is not a pleasant sight to say the least when my image of myself is being deconstructed bit by bit. But i guess that is how the Father is dealing with me and helping me realize just who i am as opposed to whom i'm supposed to be and whom i want to be. From the most fleeting thoughts which i usually dismiss to those that make a nest on my mind to those that now possess parts of me; He is eeking them all out and showing them to me. The process is painful though to say the least; yet i know this is the only way! Interestingly though in the midst of all of this, my heart is constantly breaking out into a stream of words.

But as i walk these unfamiliar roads, the question that constantly stares back at me is - who am i? Who am i in truth? More importantly who am i that He had me on His mind while on that cross? And all at once, i feel loved and blessed, unworthy, happy, yet sad, wanting to do more only to realize the struggle moments later :-) Its amazing my friends to be loved so much by Him and yet so eeeeky to realize the many masks you bear even subconsciously to hide yourself from yourself.

So i try to discipline myself - yet again. I'm trying to learn to play the guitar, i'm getting into the discipline of spending time with His Word and in prayer no matter how busy my daily schedule and i'm giving up on my masks one by one - a task more easily said than done. But all in all i know He is at work like never before and i know that the end result depends on the choices that i make and the amount of His grace i choose to depend on and use to be what He wants me to be.

Let me ask you today - what masks are you wearing? In front of others, in front of yourself and in front of Him who loves your soul?